Super Heroes Attacking Polar Bears #4: Wolverine

Our recent post featuring the Punisher socking a polar bear in the jaw got us thinking: How many more super heroes have run afoul of the world's biggest species of bear, and what could possibly inspire them to attack an animal that's been listed as a vulnerable species––likely to become endangered––by the International Union for Conservation of Nature?

As you'll see, some don't understand the dire situation that polar bears face, some want to test their mettle against the largest land carnivore in the world, and some just want to get their hands on a warm pelt.

Today's entry: Wolverine

Let's get this out of the way up front: Wolverine doesn't hate polar bears. He's a Canadian, remember. He appreciates all the fauna of the the great white north, including but not limited to mountain beavers, hoary marmots, long-tailed voles and Cascade golden-mantled ground squirrels. And, of course, polar bears.

But Wolverine is also a survivalist. And if the Blackbird breaks down in the Arctic Circle, he's not just going to let himself freeze to death while waiting for one of the X-Men who can fly (i.e. any of the other X-Men) to find time in their schedule to come pick him up. No, he's gonna leave a trail of dead beer cans on his way to the nearest igloo city, and if he has to murder a polar bear and wrap it around himself to stay warm, then by god, that's what he's gonna do. 

Because Wolverine is the best there is at what he does. And what he does isn't very nice, environmentally speaking.

Super Heroes Attacking Polar Bears #3: Green Lantern

Our recent post featuring the Punisher socking a polar bear in the jaw got us thinking: How many more super heroes have run afoul of the world's biggest species of bear, and what could possibly inspire them to attack an animal that's been listed as a vulnerable species––likely to become endangered––by the International Union for Conservation of Nature?

As you'll see, some don't understand the dire situation that polar bears face, some want to test their mettle against the largest land carnivore in the world, and some just want to get their hands on a warm pelt.

Today's entry: Green Lantern

Rather than punch the bear in the face like Wildcat or use his power ring to create a giant fist to punch the bear in the face––thank god polar bears aren't yellow!––Green Lantern has chosen the classic flying shoulder tackle maneuver as his means of assault. It's an appropriately bold maneuver for the one DC super hero that's supposedly fearless. Of course, in this case, fear could be a useful feeling, since it would inspire the Lantern to attack the polar bear from afar instead of getting within range of its deadly claws.

Interestingly, this polar bear seems to have a name: Bruno. It's unknown whether he was some sort of hyper-intelligent super bear in the vein of a Gorilla Grodd or Monsieur Mallah or Ultra-Humanite (note to self: this blog needs a ongoing feature about talking gorillas), or if Green Lantern simply prefers to humanize everything he destroys by naming it first.

Super Heroes Attacking Polar Bears #2: Aquaman

Our recent post featuring the Punisher socking a polar bear in the jaw got us thinking: How many more super heroes have run afoul of the world's biggest species of bear, and what could possibly inspire them to attack an animal that's been listed as a vulnerable species––likely to become endangered––by the International Union for Conservation of Nature?

As you'll see, some don't understand the dire situation that polar bears face, some want to test their mettle against the largest land carnivore in the world, and some just want to get their hands on a warm pelt.

Today's entry: AQUAMAN

Here we have a scene that's very similar to our previous entry: a third-tier, often-ridiculed DC hero finds himself in conflict with one of the world's mightiest beasts. There's one huge difference, though. Instead of trying to fight the polar bear himself––possibly because the battle is taking place in the geologically accurate knee-deep water of the Arctic Circle, and Aquaman is only attains full strength at depths of three feet or greater––Aquaman has decided to toss the beast at a group of newsboy hat-wearing poachers so they can do his dirty work for him.

The poachers, who are embarrassingly underdressed for this sort of climate, were clearly only planning to hunt those small seals hanging out on the rocks on the left side of this panel. None of them have reacted quickly enough to bring their rifles to bear (ha!) at their new enemy, but let's be honest: there's no way they could have expected Aquaman to hurl ursus maritimus at them.

The bear looks only mildly irritated.

Also, note that the text box reveals Aquaman's greatest enemy: the dreaded sun! Man, no wonder that guy's so crabby all the time.

Super Heroes Attacking Polar Bears #1: Wildcat

Yesterday's post featuring the Punisher socking a polar bear in the jaw got us thinking: How many more super heroes have run afoul of the world's biggest species of bear, and what could possibly inspire them to attack an animal that's been listed as a vulnerable species––likely to become endangered––by the International Union for Conservation of Nature?

As you'll see, some don't understand the dire situation that polar bears face, some want to test their mettle against the largest land carnivore in the world, and some just want to get their hands on a warm pelt.

Today's entry:

Wildcat is easily one of the lamest super heroes in the DC pantheon. A former champion boxer who one day decided to put on a cat-themed bodysuit (look at the whiskers!) and try to combat evil with absolutely no other gadgets or powers, Wildcat is a shockingly effective crime fighter as long as the villains he's battling don't try to kick him or fight for more than three minutes at a time.

Clearly suffering from an inferiority complex after having to team up with capable heroes like Superman and Wonder Woman, Wildcat decided to take out his frustrations by traveling to the north pole and going a few rounds with an unsuspecting polar bear.

Yes, Wildcat, the polar bear was not prepared for your left hook. Know why? Because polar bears never get into boxing matches with humans, you incredible jerk.

That's So Punisher #3

Punching a polar bear in the face!