Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Top 5 Best Pro Wrestling Entrance Music: #5: The Mountie Always Gets His Man

One of the laws of pro wrestling is that if you're from somewhere other than the United States and you have either pride in your homeland or a job that originates from it, you're a bad guy.

Take Jacques Rougeau. With a name like that (A silent "s"? How un-American can you get?), the battle was already half lost. But when he decided to dress in the well recognized and respected garb of a Royal Canadian Mounted Police officer? Forget about it. That's a recipe for instant hatred from wrestling fans.

After he ditched his original entrance theme, which I'm pretty sure he stole from the opening credits of Twin Peaks, the Mountie recorded a new, more ambitious theme all by himself. Listen to the prideful lyrics, the enthusiastic delivery and the harsh sounds of a late '80s Casio keyboard!

Surely the Royal Canadian Mounted Police proudly listen to this song to this very day as they go about their business of shocking ne'er-do-wells with their comically oversized cattle prods.


Friday, April 20, 2012

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Throwing the Controller: Jerry Ball Gets All the Sacks

In Throwing the Controller, we look back at the most infuriating enemies, levels and screwovers in NES history.

Tecmo Super Bowl is the best sports game not just on the NES, but in the history of video games. That's just a fact. But that doesn't mean it's without its flaws.

Truly something that could only happen in Super Tec.

Why would anyone play as the Detroit Lions in a NFL video game? To fulfill a fantasy of stepping into the shoes of true legends of the sport like Rodney Peete or Benny Blades? No. To select nose tackle Jerry Ball on every defensive play and then, once the ball is snapped, take a step down and dive forward, tackling the quarterback before he can even get out from under center.

This tactic was quickly banned under House Rules at every house I've ever been to, but that doesn't help you when you're playing a quick game against your cousin and he relies on the legendary quickness of Jerry Ball just to enrage you.

You know who you are.


Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Precious Wrestling Memories: No Funeral is Safe Whilst the Bossman Lurks Nearby

I have to admit that the Big Bossman is one of my favorite wrestlers of all time, especially after he ditched his prison guard schtick in favor of becoming a villain from a Burt Reynolds movie. When he wasn't rambling about which type of taser is appropriate for crowd control purposes, he was tooling around in '70s-style police cruiser, dragging coffins from the back bumper and talking shit about peoples' dead daddies through the oversized megaphone welded to the roof.

How can you not love this guy?


Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Badass Box Art of the Week: Bad Street Brawler

Sometimes video game box art is so completely badass that it demands you purchase the game even though you may have never heard of the title or even play video games at all! Only these boxes have earned the right to be honored with the title of Badass Box Art of the Week!

In the 1980s, Mattel became a giant in the badass action figure market by releasing the He-Man and Bravestarr toy lines. But they also released some very questionable toys that threatened to tarnish their badass reputation. Please keep in mind that the below pictures are actual toys released in the 1980s by Mattel.
Working Pencil Sharpener!
Bad Street Breakfast!
So with a transforming pencil sharpener techno-jet and a muscly armed stack of flapjacks poised to destroy the badass empire Mattel was constructing in the 1980s, the legendary toy company decided to lay to rest all questions of its badness by releasing Bad Street Brawler. As the second and final entry into the Power Glove gaming series, Bad Street took gaming to new heights, allowing players to thrash thugs with the ultimate badass NES accessory. From the looks of that common street thug flying through the air, I doubt he will be threatening anyone's freedom any longer to wear cut-off muscle shirts and extremely tiny gym shorts.