Thursday, October 29, 2015

Murder She Wrote Recaps: S2E19: Christopher Bundy—Died on a Sunday

Jessica is distressed to discover that her nephew Grady has inadvertently arranged for her first-ever short story to be published in a nudie magazine. She drives out to the publisher's palatial estate to give him a piece of her mind (and her suddenly noticeable New England accent), but he is killed before she can convince him to rip up her contract. Jessica later learns from Bundy's butler, who is an FBI agent in disguise, that Bundy was "a new breed of gangster, one that steals with computers instead of guns."

Bonus points for the Solomon Grundy reference in the episode title.

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Are You Band Enough? Music Reviews: Stan Bush's The Ultimate: Track 7: "Thunder in Your Heart"

"Thunder in Your Heart" finds Stan Bush in his purest form: Inspiring you rise up and do your best with lyrics that make you feel like you're probably his best friend (if only!). It also brings us closer than ever to Stan himself, because it proves he loves the same music as we do. You see, "Thunder in Your Heart" is a John Farnham cover. It was originally recorded to be the showcase track of the classic 1986 BMX movie RAD.

Don't anybody tell Farnham we said this, but Stan's version of this song is superior to the original. Sure, he's doesn't take many risks with the arrangement (tough to improve upon perfection there), but the instrumentation is cleaner and the world just plain needs this song more now than it did in 1986, when such inspirational jams were in high supply.

Following is an in-no-way-comprehensive list of additional songs we hope Stan covers someday:

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Murder She Wrote Recaps: S2E18: If a Body Meet a Body

When a mysterious body falls out of a casket at a funeral service, Sheriff Amos complains that nobody takes him seriously because Jessica solves all his murder cases. She agrees to stay out of his way on this one, but can't help but give him subtle hints to aid the investigation, despite suffering from deadline stress on her latest manuscript.

We also get a rare look into Jessica's writing process: she sits at the kitchen table with her typewriter, dictating loudly to herself while she types. She also likes to putter around the kitchen, imagining which utensils could be used to kill a man.

Monday, September 28, 2015

Top 5 Arcade Characters We Want the Rock to Portray Next: #3: Mr. Do!

The announcement of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's latest film project, an adaptation of the classic arcade game Rampage, has us excited. The news that Johnson would merely be playing a normal human battling against these monsters lowered our hype just a bit, but we're still holding out hope that the twist at the end of the movie is that he'll grow to massive size to do battle on their level. If you thought Jason Statham taking a Rock Bottom through a coffee table in Furious 7 was awesome, just imagine a giant werewolf getting hit with a La Magistral Cradle in the middle of Cleveland. Where can I buy tickets??

To celebrate the Rock's continued cinematic success, here's our humble list of the next classic arcade game characters he should portray. At number three: Mr. Do!

Most children of the '80s know Mr. Do! only as "that game in the Holiday Inn 'arcade' that I never played because it was right next to the TMNT machine, and if I was going to take a break from TMNT, my quarter was going to be given to Roadblasters or Operation Wolf."

Many of these now-grown children would claim that Mr. Do! is Taito's cheap rip-off of Dig Dug, and that nobody ever made it clear if it's pronounced "doo" or "doe," and that its graphics and sound weren't all that good to begin with, and that it's completely undeserving of a movie adaptation, much less a big-budget movie adaptation starring the most bankable action hero in modern Hollywood.

We can't argue with any of that. All we can say is: "Wouldn't you pay to see the Rock dressed up as a clown, digging tunnels and pushing around giant subterranean apples for three hours?"

What did the unicorns ever do to anybody?
Plus! The franchisability factor is huge, just based on the (completely legit) sequel titles they'd have to work with: Mr. Do's Castle, Mr. Do vs. Unicorns, Mr. Do's Wild Ride, and more.