Thursday, March 23, 2017

Jessica Fletcher in Peril #1


While on one of her trademark mystery-considering walks, Jessica Fletcher is nearly struck by an errant frisbee.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

What's Rambo Doing on His Day Off? #24


After cheering on KAT during her "posing while riding a horse" show, Rambo jumps into the rodeo for himself. Or, more accurately: he jumps off a super angry bull, and, to the approval of the crowd, sticks his dismount.


As seen in Rambo: The Force of Freedom episode 37: SAVAGE Rustlers.

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Let's Talk About Rambo: Episode 36: Children for Peace


With a title like that, your expectations get set at maximum. The good news? With a hero like Rambo, you're guaranteed an episode that'll exceed those hopes.

For starters, Rambo is taking a working vacation to Sydney, Australia, where he's keeping a watchful eye over the proceedings at the Children's Peace Conference at the legendary Opera House.

Classy place. Just the classiest. Tremendous
SAVAGE, having a direct philosophical opposition to the discussions, decides to crash the party. The best way to do so? Send in Black Dragon in one of his patented unexpected forms of transportation!

Parasail hang glider!
One thing leads to another, and we eventually reach the only possible endpoint of this scenario:

Rambo driving a three-wheeler while battling ninjas atop the Opera House.
This smoothly transitions into a knife-vs.-sword duel with Black Dragon, who eventually beats a hasty retreat.

I bet this kind of thing happens all the time in Australia.
The peace conference now over, Rambo decides to give all six kids, who represent no fewer than five different continents, a ride home in his plane at the same time. That's going to be a long ride if you're the last one to get dropped off. SAVAGE, pissed that the conference was such a huge success, shoot the plane down and leave Rambo playing babysitter to a bunch of mock government nerds in the middle of the African wilderness. The American kid is especially obnoxious, always trying to get the others to drink water without boiling it, amongst other survival faux pas.

After Rambo chooses the wrong moment to try to cross a fallen log, he's separated from the kids and must climb up a rope to ascend a chasm. That's when he runs into some unexpected traffic.

"If you've got a poison stinger, you've got the right of way!"–John Rambo
His problems don't stop even after he's reunited with the children—he's immediately challenged to a fight by the chieftain of a local baboon tribe.

The Chinese delegate has the right idea. Eyes closed!
After protracted battle, Rambo throws the baboon into a pit of quicksand and then rescues it, earning the respect of the tribe and forging and unbreakable bond between man and beast.


They then team up to fight SAVAGE.

MISSION COMPLETE.

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Let's Talk About Rambo: Episode 35: The Iron Mask

The Force of Freedom is enjoying some R&R at Oktoberfest in Germany when the mayor has a heart attack. After Rambo saves him with some quick CPR, he gets back up and continues hosting like nothing ever happened.

Meanwhile, nearby, a young German boy named Horst is spying on the Man in the Iron Mask, who is informing SAVAGE in his castle that he has found a sunken plane full of Nazi gold in the lake next to his castle. The boy sees the man without his mask, so they all chase him on foot through the Black Forest, where he trips and falls, giving himself amnesia.

Luckily, he sees Rambo in town and seeks his assistance (good instincts!). Rambo keeps saying they need to get Horst to "a safe place." The mayor offers his secluded hunting cabin, which Rambo thinks sounds like a great idea. So they hop in the attack jeep with this child, to bring him to the secluded hunting cabin.

BUT! Mad Dog and his biker gang show up on their attack three-wheelers.

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Rambo turns the tables by shooting a rocket into a cornfield, showering his pursuers in popcorn. They crash and are chased away by pigs.

Rambo then drives the attack boat over to the Nazi gold lake and dives down to check things out. Have you ever considered engaging Rambo in undersea combat?
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I STRONGLY ADVISE AGAINST IT.

After getting lassoed by the Man in the Iron Mask and dragged behind a speedboat like a tuber (he even gets pulled through the weeds!), Rambo escapes into his attack boat and wreaks havoc. The only way to stop him? Light the lake on fire! 

Except even that doesn't do the job.
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"Now I know how fried chicken feels!" That's literally what he said.

Rambo then returns to the secluded hunting cabin to hang out with Horst.


Sadly, the secluded hunting cabin is immediately run over by the Man in the Iron Mask in a tank. He's even got Rambo on the ropes, until...
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After that, all that's left to do is rescue KAT and Turbo from being incinerated by a space rocket that, in an unexplained segment of their plan, SAVAGE filled up with the sunken Nazi gold, and then deliver this peice of advice to Horst: "Parents are a lot more forgiving than kids think!" before staring into the wind and smiling.
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No one has ever been happier than Rambo is at this moment.