Thursday, April 11, 2013

Top 5 Wimpiest NES Heroes: #4: Thief

Make no mistake, Final Fantasy is hard game. Saving is heavily restricted, enemies are extremely powerful, every location is a deathmaze, and, if their intended target dies, your party members aren't even smart enough to attack another monster. They lose their turn in a daze of confusion, because honestly, how could they have expected not to just lie down and die horrifically as soon as the battle started?

That said, if you really want to, you can make the game much harder for yourself. How? By making your entire party consist of the most useless RPG character of all time: the thief.

Every other character has at least one redeeming value. The fighter has a high attack power. Black, red and white mages can use spells. Black belts know karate. And the thief? No spells. Crappy weapons and armor. Low HP. Certainly no karate.

The only thing they're good at is running away like chickens. Which seems useful, since you run into a pack of imps every five steps in the world of Final Fantasy, and the battles can get extremely tiresome. But all the running in the world isn't going to help you when you encounter Chaos.

Expect to see your thief "Zzzz"ing quite a bit.
If, somehow, you're able to make it to the endgame with a thief in your party, he'll get promoted to being a ninja, and actually become useful and powerful. Even ignoring that confusing career trajectory, it's like the ultimate slap in the face. You could have been chopping up monsters with katanas this entire time, thief, and you just didn't feel like it, or what? 

No wonder Garland wanted to knock him down.

Thief probably even failed at touching the princess.

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