Monday, September 28, 2015

Top 5 Arcade Characters We Want the Rock to Portray Next: #3: Mr. Do!

The announcement of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's latest film project, an adaptation of the classic arcade game Rampage, has us excited. The news that Johnson would merely be playing a normal human battling against these monsters lowered our hype just a bit, but we're still holding out hope that the twist at the end of the movie is that he'll grow to massive size to do battle on their level. If you thought Jason Statham taking a Rock Bottom through a coffee table in Furious 7 was awesome, just imagine a giant werewolf getting hit with a La Magistral Cradle in the middle of Cleveland. Where can I buy tickets??

To celebrate the Rock's continued cinematic success, here's our humble list of the next classic arcade game characters he should portray. At number three: Mr. Do!

Most children of the '80s know Mr. Do! only as "that game in the Holiday Inn 'arcade' that I never played because it was right next to the TMNT machine, and if I was going to take a break from TMNT, my quarter was going to be given to Roadblasters or Operation Wolf."

Many of these now-grown children would claim that Mr. Do! is Taito's cheap rip-off of Dig Dug, and that nobody ever made it clear if it's pronounced "doo" or "doe," and that its graphics and sound weren't all that good to begin with, and that it's completely undeserving of a movie adaptation, much less a big-budget movie adaptation starring the most bankable action hero in modern Hollywood.

We can't argue with any of that. All we can say is: "Wouldn't you pay to see the Rock dressed up as a clown, digging tunnels and pushing around giant subterranean apples for three hours?"

What did the unicorns ever do to anybody?
Plus! The franchisability factor is huge, just based on the (completely legit) sequel titles they'd have to work with: Mr. Do's Castle, Mr. Do vs. Unicorns, Mr. Do's Wild Ride, and more.

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