To celebrate the Rock's continued cinematic success, here's our humble list of the next classic arcade game characters he should portray. Coming in at number five: Dig Dug!
For years, we've been trying to fan-cast the Dig Dug movie adaptation of our dreams, but it's been impossible. The problem: Taizo Hori, "Hero of the Dig Dug Incident," (that's his real name, look it up) is a character whose only offensive move is to jab a hose inside a monster and inflate that enemy until it explodes. It's a gruesome style of attack that should have given greater concern to the parents of the '80s. More concerningly, to effectively force that much air into a living being using only a what looks to be a manual bike tire pump must require an unfathomable amount of upper body strength, more than any actor could believably display.
But have you seen the Rock lately? Dude is stacked.
|Only thing that's going to stop him is if his bike pump gets mucked up with monster guts.|
Bonus: Depending on which game art you look at, this is also a bold race-blind casting choice.
Will Atari fanboys protest, demanding a blue-skinned actor for the role? We can only hope so.