Friday, January 16, 2015

Let's Talk About Rambo: Episode 23: Pirate Peril

After coaching KAT to victory in an MMA fight in Hong Kong, Rambo takes the team out for a celebratory dinner on a tiny fishing boat out in the harbor. It's literally just a junky little skiff with a fancy dinner table and chairs set up on it. And they have to wait to order until a "menu boat" pulls up alongside! The menu boat is also a junky little fishing skiff.

Here Rambo learns from his middle-aged Chinese fisherman friend (where does he meet these guys?) that the local fishing community has been having trouble with a bunch of SAVAGE pirates, who are launching strikes against them from their pirate ship, the S.S. Scurvy.

That's when the pirates fly in to attack.

I love that they brought in hang gliding pirates just three episodes after they had hang gliding ninjas. It's the transportation mode of choice for evildoers everywhere!

After fighting off the pirates thanks to Turbo's boomerang skills, Rambo and co. track the pirates to a tiny deserted island, then, once they land on the tiny deserted island, they track the pirates to the tiny deserted island's pirate bar. After Rambo duels the pirate captain Nomak to draw after an aborted ruse in which the Force of Freedom tried to pretend they were pirate recruits, the salty seamen chase them out of the pirate bar and across the tiny deserted island.

Good thing Rambo always keeps an RPG in his dinghy.
Long story short, Rambo eventually ends up a captive on SAVAGE's yellow submarine, which they stole from some scientists in order to look for a different submarine, a sunken French one. It's this second submarine that they plan to raise and then––in classic SAVAGE fashion!––sell to the highest bidder. Assumedly the yellow submarine is not worth enough to sell? It is not discussed. So where do the pirates come into play in this scheme? Well, they were hired to attack local fishing boats near the search location, of course. Because those tiny boats would surely spot the yellow submarine searching for the French submarine and then they would know something suspicious was up.

This is a complicated plan. It might be SAVAGE's most convoluted plan of all time, in fact. And remember, this is the organization that, in a shocking inversion of priorities, tried to hold all of the world's most famous landmarks for ransom in order to get the funds to get their School for Terrorism off the ground.

Back to captive Rambo. Somebody in SAVAGE has a super weird rat fetish. "Hey, we've captured Rambo! What should we do with him? Shoot him with a gun? Stab him? Drown him? Murder him in some other way? No, let's let a bunch of rats loose near him and see what happens!"

When will they learn Rambo is not weak to rats?
Now free, Rambo leaves the sub and gets into a jetski battle on the high seas! Despite driving a souped-up, rocket-powered jetski that would make Jerry Steve Dave the Magic Man extremely jealous, Rambo chooses a decidedly old-fashioned way to take care of his jetski adversaries.

You guessed it––he lassoed them!

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