Top 5 Arcade Characters We Want the Rock to Portray Next: #1: The Chef from Burgertime

The announcement of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's latest film project, an adaptation of the classic arcade game Rampage, has us excited. The news that Johnson would merely be playing a normal human battling against these monsters lowered our hype just a bit, but we're still holding out hope that the twist at the end of the movie is that he'll grow to massive size to do battle on their level. If you thought Jason Statham taking a Rock Bottom through a coffee table in Furious 7 was awesome, just imagine a giant werewolf getting hit with a La Magistral Cradle in the middle of Cleveland. Where can I buy tickets??

To celebrate the Rock's continued cinematic success, here's our humble list of the next classic arcade game characters he should portray. At number one: Peter Pepper, the chef from Burgertime!

Imagine if a trailer for Burgertime: The Movie came on and you heard Mr. Movie Trailer Voice say this:

"We've all smelled what the Rock is cooking...

But this is the first time that what's cooking has smelled The Rock!"

Followed by 90 seconds of Rock being chased by Andre the Giant-sized pickles, sausages and eggs while he's chugging coffee and wolfing down fries and ice cream. You know he has the appetite for greatness that is required for this iconic role.

Not to mention that it wouldn't be the first time he's worked on a chef-based creative project.

It'd be box office gold.

Your entire career has been leading up to this, Rock. You've been cultivating and consolidating your power in both Hollywood and the culinary community. You're the only one who can make Burgertime: The Movie happen!

Top 5 Arcade Characters We Want the Rock to Portray Next: #2: A Bad Dude

The announcement of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's latest film project, an adaptation of the classic arcade game Rampage, has us excited. The news that Johnson would merely be playing a normal human battling against these monsters lowered our hype just a bit, but we're still holding out hope that the twist at the end of the movie is that he'll grow to massive size to do battle on their level. If you thought Jason Statham taking a Rock Bottom through a coffee table in Furious 7 was awesome, just imagine a giant werewolf getting hit with a La Magistral Cradle in the middle of Cleveland. Where can I buy tickets??

To celebrate the Rock's continued cinematic success, here's our humble list of the next classic arcade game characters he should portray. At number two: either Blade or Striker of the Bad Dudes!

if you make a movie of it starring the Rock, that's how

Ever since The Cannon Group film studio was shuttered in 1994, our country has suffered from a severe deficiency of ninja movies. It's time repopulate our lives with shuriken, kunai and caltrops, and the best way to do that is with a big-budget production of Bad Dudes Vs. DragonNinja.

If and when this movie goes into production, we can almost guarantee the Rock will attach himself to it. It's the perfect project for him. Action, adventure, conservative politics,

Raisin' brows with Bar!

street brawling, fire breathing, battles with fat guys who look like they belong in a circus... all of these things are among the Rock's chief interests.

Bonus points if Rocky portrays both of the Bad Dudes, Double Impact-style.

Top 5 Arcade Characters We Want the Rock to Portray Next: #3: Mr. Do!

The announcement of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's latest film project, an adaptation of the classic arcade game Rampage, has us excited. The news that Johnson would merely be playing a normal human battling against these monsters lowered our hype just a bit, but we're still holding out hope that the twist at the end of the movie is that he'll grow to massive size to do battle on their level. If you thought Jason Statham taking a Rock Bottom through a coffee table in Furious 7 was awesome, just imagine a giant werewolf getting hit with a La Magistral Cradle in the middle of Cleveland. Where can I buy tickets??

To celebrate the Rock's continued cinematic success, here's our humble list of the next classic arcade game characters he should portray. At number three: Mr. Do!

Most children of the '80s know Mr. Do! only as "that game in the Holiday Inn 'arcade' that I never played because it was right next to the TMNT machine, and if I was going to take a break from TMNT, my quarter was going to be given to Roadblasters or Operation Wolf."

Many of these now-grown children would claim that Mr. Do! is Taito's cheap rip-off of Dig Dug, and that nobody ever made it clear if it's pronounced "doo" or "doe," and that its graphics and sound weren't all that good to begin with, and that it's completely undeserving of a movie adaptation, much less a big-budget movie adaptation starring the most bankable action hero in modern Hollywood.

We can't argue with any of that. All we can say is: "Wouldn't you pay to see the Rock dressed up as a clown, digging tunnels and pushing around giant subterranean apples for three hours?"

What did the unicorns ever do to anybody?

Plus! The franchisability factor is huge, just based on the (completely legit) sequel titles they'd have to work with: Mr. Do's Castle, Mr. Do vs. Unicorns, Mr. Do's Wild Ride, and more.

Top 5 Arcade Characters We Want the Rock to Portray Next: #4: Mike Haggar

The announcement of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's latest film project, an adaptation of the classic arcade game Rampage, has us excited. The news that Johnson would merely be playing a normal human battling against these monsters lowered our hype just a bit, but we're still holding out hope that the twist at the end of the movie is that he'll grow to massive size to do battle on their level. If you thought Jason Statham taking a Rock Bottom through a coffee table in Furious 7 was awesome, just imagine a giant werewolf getting hit with a La Magistral Cradle in the middle of Cleveland. Where can I buy tickets??

To celebrate the Rock's continued cinematic success, here's our humble list of the next classic arcade game characters he should portray. At number four: Mike Haggar!

This one is a no-brainer. Mike Haggar, a.k.a. that Don Frye-looking dude from Final Fight who wears green pants held aloft by a single jumbo suspender, is probably the most-famous wrestling-themed character in arcade history. And sure, the Rock isn't known for delivering jumping piledrivers and German suplexes in the ring,

And he'd certainly have to up his mustache game!

but we're confident he could expand his moveset (and his stachemoves) if he were to snag this starring role in a Final Fight film adaptation. Plus, if you've ever read about his diet, you know he could put down the cornucopia the health-restoring hamburgers, grapes, and giant ham legs hidden in all the barrels of Metro City.

Barbecue, the game calls it.

Now, we know that the Rock's appeal is that he isn't just your everyday strongman actor. He's got a lot going on in terms of emotions and feelings. That's why it's a good thing that Mike Haggar is at least as much of a intellectual as he is a grappler. He's the lawfully elected mayor of Metro City, for god's sake! We've never seen the Rock in a political role, but if you don't think he could deliver a convincing stump speech, why are you even reading this blog?

Top 5 Arcade Characters We Want the Rock to Portray Next: #5: Dig Dug

The announcement of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's latest film project, an adaptation of the classic arcade game Rampage, has us excited. The news that Johnson would merely be playing a normal human battling against these monsters lowered our hype just a bit, but we're still holding out hope that the twist at the end of the movie is that he'll grow to massive size to do battle on their level. If you thought Jason Statham taking a Rock Bottom through a coffee table in Furious 7 was awesome, just imagine a giant werewolf getting hit with a La Magistral Cradle in the middle of Cleveland. Where can I buy tickets??

To celebrate the Rock's continued cinematic success, here's our humble list of the next classic arcade game characters he should portray. Coming in at number five: Dig Dug!

For years, we've been trying to fan-cast the Dig Dug movie adaptation of our dreams, but it's been impossible. The problem: Taizo Hori, "Hero of the Dig Dug Incident," (that's his real name, look it up) is a character whose only offensive move is to jab a hose inside a monster and inflate that enemy until it explodes. It's a gruesome style of attack that should have given greater concern to the parents of the '80s. More concerningly, to effectively force that much air into a living being using only a what looks to be a manual bike tire pump must require an unfathomable amount of upper body strength, more than any actor could believably display.

But have you seen the Rock lately? Dude is stacked.

Only thing that's going to stop him is if his bike pump gets mucked up with monster guts.

Bonus: Depending on which game art you look at, this is also a bold race-blind casting choice.

Will Atari fanboys protest, demanding a blue-skinned actor for the role? We can only hope so.

What's Andre the Giant Doing in the 1970s? #8

Chilling out in Hawaii with the Rock!