What's Andre the Giant Doing in the 1970s? #30

Playing a game of keep-away with the stars of the NFL!

Top 5 Arcade Characters We Want the Rock to Portray Next: #3: Mr. Do!

The announcement of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's latest film project, an adaptation of the classic arcade game Rampage, has us excited. The news that Johnson would merely be playing a normal human battling against these monsters lowered our hype just a bit, but we're still holding out hope that the twist at the end of the movie is that he'll grow to massive size to do battle on their level. If you thought Jason Statham taking a Rock Bottom through a coffee table in Furious 7 was awesome, just imagine a giant werewolf getting hit with a La Magistral Cradle in the middle of Cleveland. Where can I buy tickets??

To celebrate the Rock's continued cinematic success, here's our humble list of the next classic arcade game characters he should portray. At number three: Mr. Do!

Most children of the '80s know Mr. Do! only as "that game in the Holiday Inn 'arcade' that I never played because it was right next to the TMNT machine, and if I was going to take a break from TMNT, my quarter was going to be given to Roadblasters or Operation Wolf."

Many of these now-grown children would claim that Mr. Do! is Taito's cheap rip-off of Dig Dug, and that nobody ever made it clear if it's pronounced "doo" or "doe," and that its graphics and sound weren't all that good to begin with, and that it's completely undeserving of a movie adaptation, much less a big-budget movie adaptation starring the most bankable action hero in modern Hollywood.

We can't argue with any of that. All we can say is: "Wouldn't you pay to see the Rock dressed up as a clown, digging tunnels and pushing around giant subterranean apples for three hours?"

What did the unicorns ever do to anybody?

Plus! The franchisability factor is huge, just based on the (completely legit) sequel titles they'd have to work with: Mr. Do's Castle, Mr. Do vs. Unicorns, Mr. Do's Wild Ride, and more.

Murder She Wrote Recaps: S2E17: One Good Bid Deserves a Murder

This eventful episode sees Jessica finally come under suspicion of committing a murder (after an old friend's dead body tumbles out of an antique armoire at an auction). However, her high moral character is vouched for by Jerry Orbach, returning as private dick Harry McGraw for the first time since season one, and the word of a hard-boiled NYC detective is all it takes for the cranky Boston PD to clear Fletcher of suspicion in the case.

Later, Harry slips Jess a mickey so he can read a secret diary she found hidden inside an ornate chessboard. Then he goes on a bad date with another one of the murder suspects: "I ain't never hit a dame, but you're asking to be number one!" he tells her.

Top 5 Arcade Characters We Want the Rock to Portray Next: #4: Mike Haggar

The announcement of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's latest film project, an adaptation of the classic arcade game Rampage, has us excited. The news that Johnson would merely be playing a normal human battling against these monsters lowered our hype just a bit, but we're still holding out hope that the twist at the end of the movie is that he'll grow to massive size to do battle on their level. If you thought Jason Statham taking a Rock Bottom through a coffee table in Furious 7 was awesome, just imagine a giant werewolf getting hit with a La Magistral Cradle in the middle of Cleveland. Where can I buy tickets??

To celebrate the Rock's continued cinematic success, here's our humble list of the next classic arcade game characters he should portray. At number four: Mike Haggar!

This one is a no-brainer. Mike Haggar, a.k.a. that Don Frye-looking dude from Final Fight who wears green pants held aloft by a single jumbo suspender, is probably the most-famous wrestling-themed character in arcade history. And sure, the Rock isn't known for delivering jumping piledrivers and German suplexes in the ring,

And he'd certainly have to up his mustache game!

but we're confident he could expand his moveset (and his stachemoves) if he were to snag this starring role in a Final Fight film adaptation. Plus, if you've ever read about his diet, you know he could put down the cornucopia the health-restoring hamburgers, grapes, and giant ham legs hidden in all the barrels of Metro City.

Barbecue, the game calls it.

Now, we know that the Rock's appeal is that he isn't just your everyday strongman actor. He's got a lot going on in terms of emotions and feelings. That's why it's a good thing that Mike Haggar is at least as much of a intellectual as he is a grappler. He's the lawfully elected mayor of Metro City, for god's sake! We've never seen the Rock in a political role, but if you don't think he could deliver a convincing stump speech, why are you even reading this blog?