How Popular is Bo Jackson in Japan?

As the most overpowered video game character of all time, you might think that Bo Jackson, the purest distillation of the running back, would have a huge following in Japan, the homeland of video games. Sadly, a recent interview with Tecmo Super Bowl's director, Shinichiro Tomie, revealed that this is not the case.

“Unfortunately, he is not well known in Japan. But he is always someone of high popularity to me!” Tomie said. “When I first saw him play on television, it was quite a big impact. This raised the question, ‘How do I represent that big impact through a game?’ Specifically, how could I show his uniqueness in the game? In the end, we struggled with how to calibrate his max speed. We wanted to show how “unstoppable” he was in the game.

Read more about Bo, the inception of Tecmo Bowl and Tecmo Super Bowl, how hard it is to find people in Japan, and more in the full feature—"The Fathers of Tecmo Super Bowl"—over at louraguse.com!

Let's Talk About Rambo: Episode 24: Mephisto's Magic

No days off this time—we start in media res with Rambo and company flying a biplane through the skies above Philadephia. It seems Col. Trautman got a hot tip that SAVAGE was trying to steal the Liberty Bell, and indeed! The Force of Freedom spots the bell being towed away through the sky by a SAVAGE plane. Rambo does the only logical thing: he jumps onto the bell, shoots the rope, then, while plummeting toward the ground, he attaches an American flag parachute to the bell with suction cups and deploys it, gliding slowly to freedom. Excuse me: to liberty.

The life this man leads!

But this is only the tip of the iceberg! Trautman gets a multi-page, single-spaced letter from General Warhawk claiming that SAVAGE is going to destroy ALL of America's symbols of freedom unless they receive a payoff of $10 million, which feels like a super reasonable ransom amount.

Before the team can do anything to stop this plot, they run into thorny mess of jurisdictional red tape when a U.S. general demands that the Force of Freedom be replaced by military personnel. What is Rambo, I ask you, if not military personnel. Even worse, that cocky-ass bastard refuses to cancel today's magic show at the Washington Monument!

The magician in question is none other than Mephisto,

whose voice is literally identical to Freddie's from Scooby Doo, and

whose Egyptian-themed show is the perfect cover for smuggling the turbaned Nomad into the area. Eh, close enough. For his first trick, Mephisto somehow conjures Rambo and a leopard into a cage together. (Hilariously, the general sees this as Rambo interfering with his orders to stay away.) Shockingly, despite the fact that wrestling jungle cats is one of Rambo's favorite hobbies, he chooses to escape rather than fight the beast. But he's not in time to stop Mephisto from straight-up vanishing the Washington Monument, which I definitely did not think he had in him.

Rambo gives pursuit in the attack jeep, even driving straight through that famous reflecting pond by the monument. When that's not enough, he commandeers a police scooter under the pretense of a "Pentagon Priority!" He promptly drives it straight into the subway (that famous DC subway!) almost gets run down by a train, and then pops out at the exact part of town where Mephisto and Nomad have driven their jeep. Rambo's internal compass and urban tracking abilities are unimpeachable.

Mephisto only has one option left. He drives to the pier, and he and Nomad hop in a barrel, which has a false bottom and is sitting over a trap door on the dock, underneath which they get into a speedboat and drive away. Couldn't have just left the speedboat by the side of the dock, mmmmmmnope.

But it was worth it to fool this corncob pipe bystander!

It all leads up to a one-man assault on a freighter, which I swear to god Rambo ends up doing at least once or twice a week. But in another twist of fate, Mephisto swaps the Washington Monument in the ship's hold(!) for a bunch of dirt, leading that U.S. general to call for the Force of Freedom's disbandment.

Trautman buys the team one more day by waiting until his secretary has gone home for the day to try to file the paperwork, and then clumsily putting the order into his paper shredder instead of his fax machine because he's extremely unused to having to handle routine office tasks by himself. Perfect deniability.

It all comes to a head at Mephisto's palatial 20-acre estate in Virginia, which is described at times as a fun house, a haunted house, and a magical mansion. Its booby traps include:

• Machine gun-wielding skeletons that pop out of coffins
• A trap door that turns into a massive wooden slide populated by ventriloquist dummies created in the visages of famous SAVAGE members that throw huge knives at whoever's on the slide

Sleep when you're dead

Sadly, Rambo busts into Mephisto's computerized control room and captures him before we get to see any more of his frankly outstanding home, then reveals that he didn't even steal the Washington Monument after all—he just somehow built another goddamn trap door underneath it, hiding it from view.

MISSION COMPLETE.

Murder She Wrote Recaps: S2E21: The Perfect Foil

Jessica, while searching for her distant cousin Cal (played by an actor named Peter Bonerz), finds herself in the midst of a raucous Mardi Gras party in New Orleans. Using her finely tuned senses, she's able to determine the identity of every costumed party-goer, which comes in handy when one of them murders notorious gambler Johnny Blaze with a sabre.

The WCCW Report: Episode 58: Everybody’s Falling Asleep

January 1983: The masked Checkmate (from the Isle of Man!) opens the show this week against “Classic” David von Erich. Somehow, as soon as David comes out, and in refutation of my every belief, the ringside area is swarmed by autograph-seeking fans. Who knew that the single line of twine surrounding the ring wouldn’t make for a good crowd control barrier? There are actually five or six uniformed policemen in the ringside area, but they seem more interested in getting involved with managerial antics on the outside than they do in stopping fans from endangering the safety of the performers. I think it’s entirely possible that no one smartened them up prior to the event.

Announcer Bill Mercer claims that Checkmate is “the man of 1,000,000 holds.” Kind of makes you see Dean Malenko in a new light. Anyway, Mercer assures us that Checkmate knows every conceivable move. In this match, however, he uses three of them. Four if you count hair pulling. To be fair, he also does a super sweet flip onto his feet to counter a back body drop, but Mercer calls it an amazing move by David, so we’re not counting it. David wins with a sleeper. Yawn.

Next, we’re treated to a pretaped interview with the Freebirds, who are questioned by Mercer while eating lunch and wearing custom satin jackets—”Freebirds ‘83-’84 Fantasia Tour”—in their Chevy Astro Van at a local drive-in. The seating arrangement tells you everything you need to know about the group’s pecking order: Michael Hayes is in the driver’s seat, Terry Gordy is riding shotgun, and Buddy Rogers is sitting in back. He has to crouch walk up to the front of the van to be seen. After Mercer bugs them with an insulting line of questioning, they drive off, leaving him holding the bag.

Now for the saddest moment of any WCCW episode: a Brian Adias match! This week he’s being fed to the Great Yatsu, “who has the distinction of having beat the Great Kabuki… beaten him at his own Oriental martial arts!” Not sure if it was a match, a pose-off, or what, but I wish I could’ve seen it. Adias actually hits a couple of moves on Yatsu, and, in keeping with my theory on the so-called assassin (that he’s being billed that way because nobody in Texas speaks enough Japanese to understand that he’s in actuality a happy-go-lucky youngster), he smiles and bows.

Yatsu eventually chops Adias into oblivion and then locks on a sleeper for the victory—Mercer calls it a cobra hold in a desperate bid to differentiate this match’s finish from the last one’s—and gives his fallen opponent a respectful bow. Admirable!

In advance of tonight’s big main event, Kevin von Erich defending the American Heavyweight Title against Gordy, no-shoes Kev gives an interview threatening to put Gordy in an ambulance, but the effect is hampered a bit by his refusal to say that he’ll kick the man’s “ass.” He’s exclusively using the word “fanny.” I would’ve settled for “butt!”

The match is fine (the highlight: Gordy pulling off a really smooth Flair corner flip!), but it’s tough not to be distracted by the incredibly thin material of Kevin’s tights, which leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination. You’re the champion of this entire country, Kevin! Invest in some high-quality threads!

Top 5 Arcade Characters We Want the Rock to Portray Next: #1: The Chef from Burgertime

The announcement of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's latest film project, an adaptation of the classic arcade game Rampage, has us excited. The news that Johnson would merely be playing a normal human battling against these monsters lowered our hype just a bit, but we're still holding out hope that the twist at the end of the movie is that he'll grow to massive size to do battle on their level. If you thought Jason Statham taking a Rock Bottom through a coffee table in Furious 7 was awesome, just imagine a giant werewolf getting hit with a La Magistral Cradle in the middle of Cleveland. Where can I buy tickets??

To celebrate the Rock's continued cinematic success, here's our humble list of the next classic arcade game characters he should portray. At number one: Peter Pepper, the chef from Burgertime!

Imagine if a trailer for Burgertime: The Movie came on and you heard Mr. Movie Trailer Voice say this:

"We've all smelled what the Rock is cooking...

But this is the first time that what's cooking has smelled The Rock!"

Followed by 90 seconds of Rock being chased by Andre the Giant-sized pickles, sausages and eggs while he's chugging coffee and wolfing down fries and ice cream. You know he has the appetite for greatness that is required for this iconic role.

Not to mention that it wouldn't be the first time he's worked on a chef-based creative project.

It'd be box office gold.

Your entire career has been leading up to this, Rock. You've been cultivating and consolidating your power in both Hollywood and the culinary community. You're the only one who can make Burgertime: The Movie happen!

That's So Punisher #22

Scuttling the shuttle launch!

Are You Band Enough? Music Reviews: Stan Bush's The Ultimate: Track 8: "The Journey"

The procedure for reviewing these songs isn't rocket science. We put the tracks on repeat, listen until they soak into our subconscious, then listen some more, until they suffuse our hearts and blood. Then we nick a vein and the review pretty much writes itself.

Unfortunately, with "The Journey," I blacked out as soon as the song repeated for the first time. That night, when I finally came to, I realized that during those lost hours I had solved all my life's problems. And I still wasn't tired of the song.