Punching his whole fist into some guy's mouth!
Before fancy graphics, coherent writing, and cultural sensitivity, the world was a badder place. Join us as we remember a time when having three frames of animation for your sprite was a luxury and the only requirement for rescuing the president from ninjas was being sufficiently bad.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Friday, January 4, 2013
Murder She Wrote Recaps: S1E7: Hit, Run and Homicide
A man is being chased down a road by a ghost car. His two escape options? A vertical rock face to his left, and a dense, car-proof forest to his right. Obviously, he tries to scale the rock face, fails and is run over. Jessica Fletcher solves the case after logging the new high score on Spy Hunter at the grocery store.
Friday, December 21, 2012
Special Recognition: Worst Nintendo Power Cover: Virtual Boy
First off, you've got horrible design sense of the mid-'90s, when everything had to look as x-treme as possible. The more fonts, the better. And, by god, don't implement any sort of standard alignment or spacing for the text.
The Virtual Boy––which forced gamers to crane their necks to look through the heavy goggles, which fed each eye a different viewpoint in order to simulate a blood-red 3D image––was notorious for being difficult to use and giving its victims, I mean owners, terrible headaches. Keeping that in mind, this might be the most accurate cover in Nintendo Power history. I can't look at it without getting nauseous.
Also: is that the Lawnmower Man back there?
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Top 5 Nintendo Power Covers: Honorable Mention: Batman
Sure, the journalism industry is hurting, but this was still a shock. Now where will gamers go for Classified Information? Where will we see the further adventures of Nestor? And how will we live without the monthly list of the favorite 20 games of Nintendo retailers?? These questions may forever remain unanswered.
In the meantime, let's look back at the best Nintendo Power covers of all time; the ones that got you so excited about video games that you checked your mailbox every day when you were a kid.
This cover didn't quite crack the top five, because even though we all have fond memories of Jack Nicholson's Joker and it's totally badass that Batman is swinging from the P in the magazine's logo (or is that just a gap in the smoke? Hard to tell), a cover featuring official art from a game––or movie, in this case––simply can't top the glorious use of everyday dudes in video costumes we see on the publication's best covers.
But this cover still has a lot going for it. For one thing, all that smoke. This is the smokiest cover in video game magazine history. I'd think Batman was squealing the Batmobile's tires and doing donuts in the foyer of Axis Chemicals if he wasn't right up there batwalking around on that catwalk.
Then there's the fact that it looks like the Joker is wearing an over-sized Official Nintendo Seal of Quality lapel pin. We would kill for one of those.
Then there are the coverlines. When's the last time a magazine commanded you to read about Shadowgate? Probably not recent enough, if you're anything like us. Also, it's hard to believe a magazine could plug Double Dragon II and also boast of a "Double Bonus!" and not have those two things be connected in any way.
Finally, the thing that really makes this cover: "16-Page Tetris Tip Book." How can there possibly be that many tips for Tetris? Is it just the sentence "Don't let the blocks reach the top of the screen or you will lose yet again!" with one word on each page?
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Friday, December 7, 2012
Friday, November 30, 2012
Murder She Wrote Recaps: S1E6: Lovers and Other Killers
When she's not delivering babies cross-country to a Chinese convent orphanage, being wined and dined by her MALE secretary (well I never!), or being pushed down the stairs, Jessica Fletcher finds the time to solve one of this episode's two murders. The other is apparently left hanging forever.
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