Throwing the Controller: Okinawan Typhoon Season

In Throwing the Controller, we look back at the most infuriating enemies, levels and screwovers in NES history.

You've heard of "infotainment." Now discover "enteractivity!"

One of the most ambitious early NES games, The Karate Kid takes players on an exciting journey through the events of the first two movies.

The first of the game's four stages recreates the All Valley Under 18 Karate Tournament that Daniel LaRusso wins at the end of the first movie. Sadly, there is no boss fight against Sensei John Kreese, making Rambo the only video game to ever feature an enemy portrayed by your god and mine, Martin Kove.

Seriously, someone tell me where I can get a copy of this magazine.

But that's just a disappointment––albeit a major one––not a screwover.

The game's remaining three stages detail Daniel and Mr. Miyagi's journey to Okinawa. Stage three in particular recreates the memorable typhoon that strikes the island just as the bad blood between Miyagi and Sato comes to a boil.

Despite his months of intense karate training under Mr. Miyagi, Daniel finds the weather to be more powerful than Johnny, Tommy, Bobby, Jimmy and Dutch combined. He can't even stand still in the face of the gale force winds––the wind continuously pushes him backwards. That would only be an annoyance, except the level contains tons of tricky platform jumps over the deadly Okinawan water.

Excuse me: the normal Okinawan water. Too bad Mrs. LaRusso didn't spring for swimming lessons in addition to those martial arts ones. Making matters worse, helpless birds and flying sticks are constantly flying right at face level. It's almost as if Mother Nature herself has joined the Cobra Kai.

If you believe this game, the wind is Daniel's most dangerous opponent ever.

Bonus Screwover!

Karate Kid is probably most fondly remembered for its three mini-games of skill. Recreating famous training scenes from the movies, these hidden bonus scenarios give the player a chance to earn extra uses of the famous Miyagi Dojo special attacks: the crane kick and the drum punch.

Don't expect to earn any rewards if you're randomly dropped into the swinging hammer game, though. It's incredibly tough to time your jumps in order to avoid the pendulum-like hammer that comes at Daniel faster and faster. Here's the kicker, though-–jumping doesn't even count! You're actually supposed to be pushing the A button just before the hammer smashes you. The timing to do so is even more strict, so much so that I usually just give up immediately and accept Daniel's fate of gruesome blunt force trauma.

Please, hammer, don't hurt him.

With the benefit of hindsight, we're certain that the developers should've replaced this unbeatable level with a deck-sanding mini-game, a car-waxing mini-game, a fence-painting mini-game or, even better, a shower curtain costume-wearing mini-game.

Throwing the Controller: Electric, Poisonous Seaweed

In Throwing the Controller, we look back at the most infuriating enemies, levels and screwovers in NES history.

Few games excited the youth of 1989 as much as the NES adaptation of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Upon popping the game into their consoles, gamers thrilled at being able to play as any of the four turtles, dropping into the sewers and battling Bebop and Rocksteady in order to rescue woman reporter April O'Neil.

Then came Stage 2.

April shows a solid grasp of the inverted pyramid reporting style.

Channel 4 News is going to need to make a correction for April's shoddy reporting, because those bombs were actually set up in the Hudson River, according to both Shredder's own TV report and the most unimpeachable source of all: the game's manual. Also, there are literally zero lakes in New York City. April should know this.

Looking at the situation here, you'd think that those electricity fields would be the most obvious danger to the turtles. That assumption couldn't be more wrong. The seaweed itself is either poisonous or electric. It's hard to tell which, because when you touch it you simply die, almost instantly.

TMNT may have been a dream game when it came out, but it's certainly not known for its great play control. It's very tough to make precise jumps and attacks. At first, I chalked that up to the natural difficulty that amphibious creatures like turtles would have on dry land. But they fare even worse in the river, which is supposedly their natural habitat. It's almost like they want to taste sweet seaweed death.

And don't think you can just take it slow and steady, inching through the danger. If you let that timer run out, it's game over completely.

Despite their excitement for this game, so many of my friends were so badly beaten into submission by this terrible level that they quit the game entirely.

At least the bombs weren't in a lake.

Throwing the Controller: Jerry Ball Gets All the Sacks

In Throwing the Controller, we look back at the most infuriating enemies, levels and screwovers in NES history.

Tecmo Super Bowl is the best sports game not just on the NES, but in the history of video games. That's just a fact. But that doesn't mean it's without its flaws.

Truly something that could only happen in Super Tec.

Why would anyone play as the Detroit Lions in a NFL video game? To fulfill a fantasy of stepping into the shoes of true legends of the sport like Rodney Peete or Benny Blades? No. To select nose tackle Jerry Ball on every defensive play and then, once the ball is snapped, take a step down and dive forward, tackling the quarterback before he can even get out from under center.

This tactic was quickly banned under House Rules at every house I've ever been to, but that doesn't help you when you're playing a quick game against your cousin and he relies on the legendary quickness of Jerry Ball just to enrage you.

You know who you are.

-Ross

Throwing the Controller: Eggplant Wizard

In Throwing the Controller, we look back at the most infuriating enemies, levels and screwovers in NES history.

Eggplant Wizard, one of the most notorious enemies from Kid Icarus, is also one of the few NES characters to have of honor of being prominently featured on the classic Captain N: The Game Master cartoon, where he teamed up with King Hippo as Mother Brain's most-trusted flunkies.

It's easy to see why Eggplant Wizard was chosen for the show, because he's the target of burning hatred of Kid Icarus players everywhere. His eggplant throwing attack is one of the most infuriating things that can happen to you on the NES and makes him one of the best reasons to throw your controller.

That's a classy cloak, though.

The Wizard shows up in the labyrinth areas of Kid Icarus, usually just before the boss room. He throws normal-sized eggplants (his children, maybe!?) around the room with the reckless abandon of a self-loathing vegetable. If one touches you -- and, because the trajectory of the vegetaprojectiles is random, so they're tough to dodge -- Kid Icarus turns into a eggplant with human legs and can't do anything other than jump until you go all the way back to the beginning of the labyrinth to visit the eggplant-removal surgeon. Seriously.

-Ross